年底备考雅思的正确姿势！|附大作文批改示范

 

今天来分享一篇大作文批改范例，里面提出的问题可能是大家常犯的，来看看7.5分的批改范例是怎样的吧！

With the increasing demand for energy resources of oil and gas, people should look for resources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas?

 

In recent years, the population of the world has increased at a rapid speed, followed by the greater demand for energy resources, such as oil and gas. Many people suppose that we humans should seek for more resources of gas and oil in remote natural places areas which have not been exploited yet. From my point of view, only searching for more energy resources is not a long-lasting method. From my perspective, the demerits of exploring resources by damaging these areas outweigh its merits.  Advantage 以及disadvantage的题型开头段表明观点。

 

On the one hand, it is widely accepted that it is understandable that a solution of seeking new energy come into people’s mind, because people today require greater amount of resources than before, as with the increasing development of science and technology. Companies can look for energy resources in these untouched barren areas where few people live and therefore it can reduce noise or other impacts on people’s daily life.so that the construction of infrastructure and investment can develop into driving force for the local area’s development.  Also, Furthermore, places which people have not exploited normally contain enormous natural resources, and using these resources can relieve the increasing demand for gas and oil. In addition, the exploitation of these resources will boost the economic growth of the world and governments can have more funds to construct facilities like gas stations to satisfy citizens needs accommodate the growing need of residents. 不要只是罗列点   要用例子论证。

 

However, we have to admit that the exploitation of resources in untouched these regions must have adverse impact on local ecosystem. The pollution generated by industries, such as sewage and toxic gas, can pose a severe threat to local creatures. If the diversity of plants and animals declined, these areas’ environment would start to be degraded. A typical example is that some animals and birds become extinct due to the reduction in area of their habitats and pollution. It should also be noted that solely seeking for more energy resources is not sustainable. After all, the total amount of natural resources are is limited and one day we will run out of them the problem of energy depletion can not be ignored. Therefore, it is wise that humans people should consider about future generations and conserve enough resources for them to survive. 既然结论是弊大于利，那么论证过程要重点说这一段。

 

In conclusion, the drawbacks of exploiting more resources in these regions overweigh the merits. Humans should not promote social development at environmental costs. Instead, we can searching for alternative energy and diminish the waste of resources to meet the increasing demand. 雅思作文不出现第几第二人称。

Task response 6

Coherence 5

Grammar 7

Vocabulary 6

Overall 6

加强论证逻辑训练，参看一下下面这篇的逻辑。

 

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas？

 

作文：

With the fast pace of industrialisation,  the demand for fossil fuels is increasing. Exploring energy resources in remote places can be a solution. Although it may have an adverse impact on the environment, people can benefit a lot from exploring fossil fuels in natural places. areas.

 

On the one hand, it is acknowledged that exploring natural resources in natural areas has its own overwhelming benefits. 加上主题句 To be specific, 解释  Exploring energy resources in remote places can mitigate energy shortage and contribute to industrialisation. Fossil fuels like oil and gases are main energy resources of the modern world. A fact to bear in mind is that Although the development  exploration of renewable energy is rapid, it still accounts for a small proportion so that it cannot accommodate the needs of fast speed of energy consumption. Therefore, the shortage of fossil fuels may hamper the economic development. Looking for fossil fuels in untouched places can help ease this problem.

Besides, the exploration of fossil fuels can benefit local economy. The economy in these remote places is generally underdeveloped. If fossil fuels can be exploited in these remote areas, local people can engage in it and earn more money to improve living standards. TTo transport energy resources like ,the local public transport system will be improved, which can make a great difference to local economy. The construction of new factory and infrastructure undoubtedly provide more employment opportunities.

 

On the other hand, exploring fossil fuels may negatively affect the environment of these natural places adversely. The exploitation of fossil fuels will cause much pollution. To exploit fossil fuels, many trees will be cut down in these natural places to make way for exploration, which will damage local ecosystem and intensify environmental problems, like global warming. Fossil fuels may also ruin soil and water and pose a threat to the health of animals and people. With natural resources, these places can be developed into natural attractions and set up the tourism industry, which may cause little pollution and develop local economy meanwhile.

A typical example is that the environment in some areas of western China are jeopardized for construction of oil refinery factories, so that the local residents have to move to another place

 

To sum up, looking for energy sources of oil and gas in remote places are is beneficial to economic growth, although but measures should be taken to mitigate the problem of  environmental destruction can be a problem.

 

Task response 7

Coherence 6

Grammar 6

Vocabulary 6

Overall 6